Friday, December 24, 2010

Pre-Christmas Update

Well it’s been many weeks that I haven’t been able to update my blog. One of my major symptoms lately has been not being able to focus and experiencing confusion.
This has been told to us by the doctors that it will happen. So I asked Nandor and Christina help me. We had a very busy last month with visitors to our home. My sister Christina and her family with my mom, my cousin Aniko with her family from Ohio and just recently I was happy to have Nandor’s parents and sister coming to visit from Hungary. It was neat to have three full generations under one roof. Our parents, us and our children. We also celebrated two birthdays in the last month Rebekah turned 20 on Nov. 16th and Jessica 18 on Dec 16th. This obviously required some shopping that I could only do with the assistance of a wheelchair. Lately I have a really hard time eating and drinking or keeping things down. I have lost about 30 lbs in the last month or so. We had what turned out to be our last visit to my oncologist. When he observed my condition he has concluded that there is nothing that he can do for me in the future and no other appointments would be necessary. God has again helped our family to arrive safely in Windsor for our annual Christmas celebration. I am receiving daily nursing visits while I am visiting. There have been many of my friends and family that make their way to see me in the last few days. It might just sound trivial and sounds that I am just repeating myself but God is so faithful and so Good to us He is our strength. Please keep praying that we will all see Him in His strength High and lifted.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Weeping Yet Rejoicing with Joy Unspeakable

On Thursday we got more news we didn’t want to hear…..My calcium is still going up steadily and there is nothing the doc can really do about it. My tumor has grown from 9cm to 13cm, I can feel it a lot now but the pain isn’t too bad. They are putting me on chemo weekly now hoping that it will be more effective on the tumor and it will help bring the calcium down. I am also on Prednisone to help my platelets be able to replenish quicker. Doc has no explanation how my body can handle the calcium being so high…
But the neatest thing happened as we were going through the appointment, my nurse sat down and asked if she could ask us some questions….she asked what is it that is bringing us through this, is it our faith? We had the opportunity to share with her “the hope that lies within us” 1Peter3:15. What an encouragement to our hearts, yes, God is still moving, working and we get to be a part of it. So as the verse says below when “He reveals just a glimpse of His glory we are glad with exceeding joy”

“Beloved do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; But rejoice to the extent that you partake in Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful Creator.” 1 Peter 4:12, 13, 19

So going forward I am so excited to see what God is doing, as difficult as it is sometimes He keeps giving opportunities to enjoy my family, pray, learn, read a lot and continue growing in Him…I still have a purpose…every day He gives me, I have to live to the fullest until the time comes when He steps in and heals me or takes me home. He sure gives the grace I need everyday!!! And even more exciting is picturing and meditating on Heaven as the scripture describes it…here is a tidbit, I’m sure you never thought of heaven this way before ”a bright, vibrant and physical Heaven. free from sin, cancer, suffering and death and brimming with Christ’s presence, wondrous natural beauty, and the richness of human culture as God intended it. It will be a place with real people with real bodies enjoying close relationships with God and each other, eating, drinking, working, playing, traveling, worshiping and discovering.” R.A Like Paul says “sometimes I feel torn between the two….” Phil 1:23
My prayer is that those who don’t know Jesus as their Saviour would come to know Him so they can also have this Blessed Assurance.

Blessed assurance Jesus is mine,
O what a foretaste of glory divine
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood
This is my story, this is my song
Praising My Savior all the day long

Perfect submission, perfect delight!
Visions of rapture now burst on m sight:
Angels descending bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love
This is my story, this is my song
Praising My Savior all the day long

Perfect submission – all is at rest, I in my Savior am happy and blest;
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love
This is my story, this is my song
Praising My Savior all the day long. A hymn by Fanny Crosby

Please continue to pray for wisdom for the doctors , us and that God would be glorified and He would continually shape and mold us to be like His Son through this experience.
In My Fathers Hands

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Going to See Doctor

Dear Prayer Warriors,

Please pray that as we go to the doctor tomorrow we would go with the peace of God. We will be recieving the results of the CT scan I had Monday and what to expect next.

I have not been feeling the best lately but its still isn't too bad. But most of all we still stand firmly on the Promises of God....He is with us.

In His Hands,

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Update After a Difficult Week

Well here we are Oct 23rd, I can’t believe how time just keeps flying. Thanksgiving Weekend has come and gone. I didn’t update since then so I will add a few pics below and like they say “a picture is worth a thousand words”

When I was sitting and soaking this all in, all I could do was be overwhelmed that God has given me another year and God has given me such an awesome family….what a blessed woman I am.

Well on to the update, for the last 3 weeks I have been waiting for my chemo treatment. Things have gone pretty much how they should but this last week everything just started peaking, either too much or too little. My calcium was too high Sat so they kept me in for a while to rehydrate me and sent me home…they wanted to check next day so I went in Sunday morning. Calcium came down a little, defiantly not to the desired level but I still got to go home/ church. I left so fast that they forgot to take the intravenous needle out of my arm…so here I am Sunday morning this crazy woman running back in to ER waving her arm, telling them to hurry because I will be late for church… By Mon afternoon I was feeling really bad again and Nandor brought me back to ER. This time the issue was very low levels of Magnesium….they kept me overnight to replenish that in the ER…there was no room to be admitted so we all decided its best for me to come home instead of being exposed to everything in the ER. Wednesday back for bloodwork and found out there will be no chemo because platelets are too low but Doc ordered an intravenous drug for my high calcium for Thursday. Then Friday I got a blood transfusion because my hemoglobin was very low. So how is that for a full week of work?....well that’s what it felt like.
I wonder and ask the Lord what is all this accomplishing…what is this good for? Then he tenderly reminds me…I work through the little things…I have adopted you, you are my child, I love you and I am working on your heart…making you more patient…more confident in Me….giving more hope and faith…and giving you the eyes to walk by faith and not by sight. Then if that’s what you are doing Lord….I give You this “week of work”.

Only one life to offer – Jesus, my Lord and King
Only one tongue to praise Thee – And of Thy mercy sing
Only one hearts devotions – Saviour O may it be
Consecrated alone to Thy matchless glory,
Yielding fully to Thee

Only one hour is mine, Lord –May it be used for Thee
May ev’ry passing moment Count for eternity
Souls all about are dying, Dying in sin and shame
Help me bring them the message of Calvry’s redemption, In thy glorious Name.
A hymn by: M.Dunlop

Before I close here is a verse that we can cling onto as we go through difficulties…another awesome promise.
The Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed (worry). Duet 31:8

In His Hands,

Friday, October 1, 2010

Thanks For Your Prayers, I’m Home….

My high calcium issue has been brought down to a more normal level. I was discharged on Tues then Wednesday 9:30-4:00 I went for my chemo treatment…and Thursday I had an appointment with my doc. Praise be to God my platelets had come up to 145 from 63 the last week…I also got another blood transfusion while in hospital so that part of my blood is good to for now. The next little challenge is getting over my day 4-5 after chemo sickness…my doctor did give me a lesser dose of chemo and more meds to tie me over so we will see how those days go. I haven’t had really any major pain caused by the tumor during this whole time… doc is happy with that and I am so thankful…Thank You Lord.
I had such a blessed time in the hospital this time….instead of looking at it from my human, fleshly perspective I decided instead of complaining of how much of a waste of time it is just sitting in the hospital doing nothing and being extremely bored, I will spend this as a quiet time of fellowship with my God….wow what a blessed experience it was….i am so used to rushing into His presence and rattling off my list of wants and needs and then leaving quickly….this time there was nowhere to rush off to…its even hard to explain because it not a physical thing you can’t put your finger on…He just comes and ministers to your heart and there is NO better place to be….imagine the maker/ sustainer of the universe has the time to spend with one of His creatures, no hurry just in a sense hangin out. I pray that all you that know and love Him would stop and take some time to be quiet with God….it will sure do you good and bless your soul.

In His Hands,

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Prayer Request

Hello Everyone,

I just want to send out a quick prayer request. Mom was admitted into the hospital yesterday. Her calcium has gone up again. I just ask that you pray the levels will come down. On a note of thankfulness tho, her platelets have come back up!

Thank you all so very much!
Much love in Christ,

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

CT Scan Results

We went back to Sudbury to get the results of the CT scan and again its more news we didn’t want to hear, we were hoping the tumor shrunk a lot but it really didn’t. It is about the same size….thankfully it isn’t growing :) As we spoke with the doctor the plans remain the same to keep on going with the chemo. I had to have it delayed a week again because my platelet’s just don’t want to recover. I also have the pain back which means there is some type of activity there again. That was enough for that day…..the next day, yesterday the doctor calls me that the blood test results came back and my calcium is very high again and I will need the drug to bring it down. Also my platelets are a bit lower now so no chemo again….my pain is not too bad, I don’t need to take any meds for the pain yet.
I am so amazed again at how God works through His people and their prayers….yesterday I was just getting really tired and sad from these results again….but instead of spiraling down into pity for myself, for some unexplainable reason (I believe Gods people were praying) I was given this joy and peace and ability to look up again and “ see Him, high and lifted up” there is a bigger picture, there is a purpose, God loves me and has this all orchestrated for my good….nothing comes to Him as a surprise. I have been given another day to LIVE, that means I have a purpose, a reason for being here today….what am I going to do with it? I don’t want to waste it…I can pray, I can love my family, I can talk/write to people, I can help someone, etc. there are so many opportunities out there, will I seize them or let them go by because I am too busy worrying about myself. This is the challenge that I face daily…please pray that I would be able to keep my eyes on the things that are important and real and let the things of this earth grow strangely dim.
I don’t remember if I shared this song but it was in my head all yesterday so…be blessed….this is my story….

Day by Day

Day by day and with each passing moment, strength I find to meet my trials here: trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment, I’ve no cause for worry or for fear. He whose heart is kind beyond all measure, gives unto each day what He deems best, lovingly its part of pain and pleasure, mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day the Lord Himself is near me, with a special mercy for each hour; all my cares He fain would bear and cheer me, He whose name is Counselor and Power. The protection of his child and treasure, is a charge that on Himself He laid; as your days, your strength shall be in measure, this the pledge to me He made.

Help me then in every tribulation so to trust Your promises, O Lord. That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation, offered me within your Holy Word. Help me, Lord when toil and trouble meeting, ever to take, as from a father’s hand, one by one, the days, the moments fleeting, till I reach the promised land. A hymn written by: CS Berg

Keep praying….I need it :)
In His Hands,

Monday, September 13, 2010

Walk of Hope

My bother Ed, my sister Christina and Meaghan my neice participated in the Walk of Hope in Windsor this past weekend. Its to raise awareness and money for ovarian cancer.
Thanks is just not enough.....I love you too.

In His Hands,

Friday, August 13, 2010

Blessed Be The Name of the Lord!!!

The Lord was gracious to us again….we were able to go down to Windsor on the weekend and have a great visit with friends and family. We hung out at moms house mostly and everyone came there. Saturday morning was lots of fun, we decided to go to the local market. With grandma, grandpa, moms and dads with 7 little ones in tow we sampled the products….popcorn, sausage, fresh bread, more sausage, chocolate and lots of fruits and veges….kids just loved it…I think the big ones did too. I sure did. Monday we headed back home but stopped in Kitchener to visit with Atilla and Caroline…more food and friends and family…wow we are so blessed…

By the time we got home my hair was just coming out in handfuls so Rebekah helped me again….she cut it first and then shaved it…its less messy this way. I thought maybe it will be easier this time but its still hard loosing my hair…then a faithful friend sent me this reminder:
“the Lord gave you such a beautiful gift for all your life until now, can you sacrifice it to Him? Can you give it back to Him in thanksgiving and say to Him, “Thank you Lord for giving me this wonderful gift for all these years, I now give it back to you for as long as You wish it?
May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ extend itself to you to such an extent that you will be enabled to do this for the One Who sacrificed all for you.”
Thank you Lord, this sure puts everything back into perspective….there is a purpose, there is a plan…I rest in that.

“The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD” (Job 1:21).

Well Thursday came and went….I did not get my chemo treatment….my blood counts were still too low so the doc held off treatment for another week. Good news is that things are headed in the right direction, red, white and platelet blood counts are going up on their own…this extra week will just give them more time to recover. Doc is happy with how treatment is going, the chemo is working….he is lowering the dosage so the tumor will shrink but not me :)

Please continue praying that my family and I will “Turn our eyes upon Jesus and the things of this earth will become strangely dim.”

In His Hands,

Friday, August 6, 2010

Grace and More Grace

My hemoglobin and platelet levels were falling rapidly Tues so I was admitted to hospital to get a transfusion. I felt really tired yesterday, (like I ran a marathon) but today Fri I feel a lot better. God willing we are going down to Windsor to visit family this weekend.

Please continue to pray that my body will bounce back enough to be able to receive my next chemo treatment on Thursday.

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added affliction He addeth His mercies,
To multiplied trials His multiplied peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

His love has no limit; His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth and giveth and giveth again. By: Annie Johnson Flint

My prayer is that as you read these words you too will experience this grace as I so richly do every moment.

In His Hands,

Thursday, July 29, 2010


Its been a week since I had my chemo treatment. Wow what a difference….God has brought me relief, sweet Sat-Sun the time between taking my pain meds kept increasing…honestly I kept forgetting to take them….but that is a good thing because that meant the pain was subsiding and the tumor is shrinking??!!. (we hope) By Mon I was totally off the pain meds and feeling really good. The doc told us if this chemo works, it will happen fast and praise be to God it did…Its a lot easier chemo treatment this time, I just has some sores in my mouth and esophagus but no nausea. At this point my hair is still in tact but they said that will probably go again :(
My family doc called to see how I was doing yesterday and was very pleased…he said just roll with it and enjoy….and that is exactly what we are doing….Christina and Ryan and kids are coming tomorrow for the long weekend, my friend Mary is coming to visit from California next week….and if I feel good we’ll make more plans…

I had this verse sent to me this week and I just wanted to share it… Its absolutely amazing that something Jesus said to a fisherman in Jerusalem, who was confused, scared, and not having much faith at the time would mean SO much to a confused, scared etc. child of His in Trout Creek almost 2000 years later….You just can’t get more personal than that….words cannot express it but I feel loved….

Jesus said, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will understand later.” John 13:7

Please keep praying...
In His Hands

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Report from visit to Sudbury

When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, Its is well with my soul. (v1 of Hymn “It is well with my soul”)

I thank you all again for praying for us as we went up to Sudbury for our appointment yesterday. He is so faithful in answering….Christ with His peace attended with us and I can truly say….IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL….

It was more information that we did NOT want to hear again…but knowing Gods hand is in it makes it go down sweet, just like a spoonful of sugar with bitter medicine.

There is one more tumor on the liver, which makes it 5 now. Doc gave us 2 options, one is not doing anything which would mean soon the tumor would get so big that it would shut down the liver etc, so that is pretty self explanatory.

Other one is putting me on chemo to try to shrink the tumor. This time its not kill the whole tumor but control it. It’s a different chemo that I had before and the doc is hopeful that it will at least bring it under control and relieve the pain. Sometimes between cycles there can be many days and months of relief.

The tumor is inoperable….it would be too much for my body to handle with recovery etc…doc thinks the time could be better used trying chemo.

All the other areas they tested, bone scan, pelvis, abdomen etc are all clear, that was really good to hear.

Please pray that this chemo would be tolerated and it will shrink the tumor.

Please pray that God would continually give grace and strength to myself and my family that through this we can show the world and all the heavenly beings observing this drama how great and worthy of praise our God is.

I also pray for you that are reading this blog, if you know the Lord, press on, keep trusting even if this doesn’t make much sense now, you WILL be praising Him for it in Glory. Then for my friends and family that don’t know the Lord, please seek Him, you will never regret it….He will show Himself to you, you just come as you are.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us…for we were saved in this Hope… Romans 8:18, 24a.

In His Hands,

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Something new

Yesterday I started getting some excruciating pain on my right side. Went to ER and they figure it is coming from the tumor on my liver. They gave me Percaset, its not really doing much. It is pretty painful......I am going to my oncologist Mon morning at 8:00am when I will get all the results from the scans and get this pain under control.

I would like to ask for prayer, that Gods grace would richly sustain me and help me go through this.

In His Hands,

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Another Amazing Story!!!!

My sister in law Angela shared this with me. Please read the June 23 post and be blessed and encouraged....God is working His grand and glourious plan all over the world....and we mere humans are graciously given the ablity to see little glimpses.....Praise be to God....

Please pray for Joni as she embarks on her next battle. All for the Glory of God!!!!


P.S. There is always someone worse off than us in our perspective but in Gods economy its His perfect plan.

Writing from Sudbury (posting a few days later)

I am so blessed for having the Lord watch so closely after me. I have been having light nausea for the last 10-15 days; it’s been getting worse, so last week I called my oncologist. They set me up for an appointment Wed (squeezed me in before the holiday) Well thanks be to God, after a lot of testing they found that the calcium level in my blood was way up high in the critical level, usually people are in a coma at this level. They immediately admitted me to start getting it lowered and to re hydrate me. Bad things happen to major organs if this doesn’t get resolved quickly. So as I write today (Thursday) these things are getting resolved quite nicely. But now the next and bigger question is why did my body do this? So far we just treated the symptom. He is now sending me for a bone scan, abdominal, lung and brain scan. These should indicate what caused this…we hope. It’s typically a sign the cancer is active somewhere in my body.

Its always so exciting to write down some of the providential things that happened, you just cannot deny that Gods hands are in all this…..we were planning on a trip to Ohio for the long week end so I would have been a lot farther along in the critical state…..I got an appointment before the weekend….I got admitted, they had a bed…….I am in the hospital so the scans can get done here and now…. I would have had to wait a lot more in North Bay to get these tests done…..and on top of all this I got a private room….God is so amazing…

Again we ask for your prayers. We know you are praying and that’s why we ask because God is faithful and He answers His children’s prayers. Not that this is an easy place to be but His grace just keeps coming every morning and lasts well into the night. Then when we wake up it’s a whole new batch of fresh grace and He is not stingy….He just pours it on. We are having awesome days as a family full of laughter and giggling….the peace that God put on every inch of this household is mind-boggling....Nandor is busy doing some projects around the house, children are busy and having fun with all the summer activities…

“Therefore we do not lose heart, even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.” 2 Cor 16-18

Also please pray that this would be more and more true of the whole family. I wish I could explain it but the real me “inward man” is so full of hope and joy that sometimes I just break down and cry and ask God why me? Why am I your child? But the good news is that is can be any of yours that are reading this blog….God loves you and wants this for everyone who believes in Him… John 3:16.

And please pray for this “outward man” also, I have been feeling touch and day good next not so good. Pray that the Lord would intervene and heal my body, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt He can do it if its His will and plan.

We love you all,
In His Hands

Friday, May 21, 2010

Gods Unfolding Plan

Our trip to Europe was awesome…we visited Verona and Venice in Italy and then we went over to Hungary. I have some pics and more to write about so stay tuned I’ll get that on soon. I have been and am feeling really good.

Since we got home its been very busy…Monday I went for a CT scan and Thursday I went to see my oncologist in Sudbury….the scan shows 3 spots on the liver…at this point they recommend we wait and see what they are and what they will do…I will get another scan done in 2 months and then we will know more…Its so neat to experience the perfect timing and plan of God…He is unfolding it so graciously, lovingly, carefully (like an expert surgeon with his scalpel) I feel so at peace, secure and safe in His arms.

Job 23:10

I know how concerned many of you are, I just encourage you to trust in the Lord, seek Him and He will show you more of Himself…

“Trials are neither random nor unplanned. They prove us, testing what we say we believe about God and revealing whether we actually believe it. All of creation shouts the existence of God, but the one who perseveres under trial brings that shout to a crescendo ---for in that shout His full glory is displayed!” James MacDonald

Please continue to pray that we would all see His Glory
In His Hands,

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Big 40

March 9th was my big 40. I thank God for letting me enjoy it...I think I was the happiest 40 yr old....After this year, there is no complaining of getting old.... just thanksgiving...Thanks Ray and Aniko, what a surprise!!! just wanted to show you how the flowers looked....beautiful...

Its growing but still extremely

I had to kick back and relax all day and that evening my family brought me out to a Mexican Restaurant for dinner yummm. Then on Friday morning as if my bday wasn't enough I got a note saying I have to go shopping til 5:00pm (as commanded by my children and husband) and be at The Callander Wellness Spa at 1:30...I didn't know who sent me for that...while I was there my sister Christina called....she got me a 1hr pedicure....thanks so much sis... Then as I get home after a hard day of shopping and going to the spa there are cars everywhere.....They totally surprised me... 26 people were over celebrating my a shock...I am still speechless... thank you everyone...

Celebrating life,
In His Hands,

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Another Update

Its been 2 months since I last wrote…wow time sure flies….I am still feeling really good overall. The regular numbness/pain in my hands and feet caused by chemo nerve damage are still there but I guess I am getting used to it and its really not that bad. Some days I feel so good that this whole cancer/chemo/radiation thing seems like a dream and the only evidence I see is when I look in the mirror…I have really curly short hair…
I am back to my regular life…it feels so good to be able to do all the normal things…like cooking, cleaning, shopping, teaching and on and on. We are really busy with school, work, hockey, traveling, church etc.
Before I forget…I went back to Sunnybrook a few weeks ago to see my radiation doctor for a follow up. Everything seems to be going well. My next appointment is in May to see my oncologist. Its still kind of a tough place to be because we still don’t know if any of this treatment worked. Time will tell…And as this time passes many times I get thinking about the what if’s but the Lord is constantly teaching me to TRUST in Him and not my circumstances, tests etc. My constant prayer is that He would fill my heart with love, trust and delight in Him so that my mind has no room for fear ….This is where my battle lies…please pray to that end for me.
Last week I met for lunch with 3 ladies that were in treatment with me in Toronto. We went out for Chinese food in Barrie and just enjoyed each others company. I try to keep in touch with several of people I met during treatment. It’s a really neat connection to have and keep.
Another really neat thing is Nandor and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary on Feb 3rd….yes that is 20....I still can’t believe it…..God has been so faithful…

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers….it seems like I keep saying it but I really mean it…without the support of my praying friends and family I don’t know what I would do…I leave you today my favorite Psalm…I remember memorizing Ps 27:4 as a little girl….not even having a clue of what it meant....but through the years it has become very precious to me…


1- The LORD is my light and my salvation
Whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the strength of my life
Of whom shall I be afraid?

4- One thing I have desired of the LORD
That will I seek
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD
And to inquire in His temple

5- For in the time of trouble
He shall hide me in His pavilion
In the secret place of His tabernacle
He shall hide me

14- Wait on the LORD,
be of good courage,
and He shall strengthen your heart,
wait, I say, on the LORD…

In His Hands,